


heart to the limit (meet me halfway)...

by KayCeeCruz



Series: The Ellipses Series [2]
Category: As the World Turns RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-06
Updated: 2010-12-06
Packaged: 2017-10-13 13:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/137753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Van sometimes wishes it could all be easier.</p><p>He doesn't regret how they got where they are, or the work it takes to stay, but some days when he misses Jake so much he doesn't know what to do with it, he wishes.</p><p>That it wasn't such a struggle to keep it together.</p><p>That he could tell everyone how he felt.</p><p>That they lived in the same <i>fucking state</i> at least.</p><p>This whole long distance relationship...sucked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	heart to the limit (meet me halfway)...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frances_veritas](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=frances_veritas).



> Prequel to [break this silence with...](http://archiveofourown.org/works/97445) Written for [luke_noah](http://community.livejournal.com/luke_noah)'s monthly challenge #13 in conjunction with it being a birthday (now very belated) story for frances_veritas whose prompt was "schmoopy and smutty". Hope this is good, honey. Props more schmoopy than smutty but there you go. Title and lyrics taken from "Meet Me Halfway" by The Black-eyed Peas.

_heart to the limit (meet me halfway)..._.

 

(1) I spend my time just thinkin' thinkin' thinkin' bout you

 

Van sometimes wishes it could all be easier.

He doesn't regret how they got where they are, or the work it takes to stay, but some days when he misses Jake so much he doesn't know what to do with it, he wishes.

That it wasn't such a struggle to keep it together.

That he could tell everyone how he felt.

That they lived in the same _fucking state_ at least.

This whole long distance relationship...sucked.

He shifts in his bed, turns his gaze to the empty pillow, and tries not to remember what it felt like to have someone else's warmth at his back. He's a creature of habit. Van enjoys that sense of touch when he has someone near him.

And Jake likes to touch. A lot.

His cell phone rings and he grins like an idiot as he pushes the call button. “Hey.”

“Hey, baby.”

Even after four months together, his stomach does a flip any time Jake uses any of his array of endearments. Van hadn't known that about Jake until they stopped pretending. He'd heard him use them before on a few of their friends but there's an intimacy in his voice when he says them to Van, a softness that isn't there for many other people.

Van kind of loves that.

“You sound tired.”

“I'm just – it was a long week. The sweeps taping is grueling. I don't ever remember it being like this on our show.”

Van smiles because Jake has never gotten out of the habit of saying “our show” even though he's on a different one entirely now.

“That's because you were so fucking underused on 'our show', _honey_.”

“It wasn't that bad.”

Van snorts. It really was. But Jake never complained, which is probably one of those traits that made him so loved by everyone. He did what was asked of him, gave his all and never once expected anything more than he received. He never asked for more, either. That drove Van crazy.

“You deserved better.”

Jake is quiet and Van knows he's getting ready to argue. He sighs, shakes his head and settles back into bed. “Sorry.”

“No. I get it. I think the same about you.”

Van rolls his eyes. Sometimes, Jake was _too_ nice. “So anything new on the Nate front? Have you guys been talking about the treatment?”

Jake starts telling him about his meeting with Nathan, how excited the cast was to see his longer script of the movie, that they think backing can happen now they got that spot at Tribeca. Van closes his eyes and listens to Jake, lets his breathing follow the tenor of his voice, the rise and fall of his words.

“Are you falling asleep on me, Hansis?”

Van opens his eyes, smiles into the phone. “With your voice in my ear? Not so much.” He wants Jake to be there so much it's a pang in his chest.

“I miss you.”

Van laughs because sometimes Jake was scary perceptive. “I was just thinking...”

“What?”

“That I really kind of want you here.”

Jake sighs. “Not as much as I want to be there.” His laugh is soft and Van smiles wider. “You know, I'm not this lame normally.”

“That's a _lie_ , Silbermann. You've _always_ been this lame.”

“Oh see now. Here I was getting ready to talk into your ear about how much I really want to fuck you and you call me lame.”

Van smirks. “Nobody likes a tease, Jacob.” He hears the change in Jake's breathing and relaxes back onto the mattress. “Tell me what you want to do.” His hand drifts along his skin, stopping to circle around the tip of one nipple, and Van sucks in a gasp.

“I wouldn't have the patience to wait. I'd kiss you because I can't ever not kiss you.”

Van closes his eyes, conjures up the memories he has of kissing Jake. That first time where it wasn't fake, where it wasn't pretend. Every time after. Jake's lips, always soft, coaxing sounds out of him. His teeth nipping down his jaw, lingering to suck onto Van's neck.

His whine is loud in the otherwise silent room.

“Can you feel me on your skin? You taste so good, Van. Did I ever tell you that?”

Van trembles with the rush of want, breathes loud and harsh into the phone. “Jake.”

“I'm right here, baby.” Van can hear the rustle of Jake's clothes and moves his hand down. “I know we should be better at this but –”

Van grips his hard dick, strokes fast, thumb tracing over the head and he bites back another moan. “But you think we sound stupid over the phone?”

Jake's pained chuckle makes Van want to smile except he can feel his orgasm collecting at the base of his spine and all he wants is to hear Jake's sounds. He loves that the most. “I don't need – what you're doing right now – that noise you make at the back of your throat – ”

Jake makes it and Van arches up, falls back into the pillow with a gasp. “That's – yeah, when you used to do that – that drove me crazy.”

“Fuck.”

“You don't need – _oh, shit_ – to do anything else...” Van comes with a strangled cry, something that sounds like Jake's name but gets lost when he can't form any syllables. That was too fast and he'd be embarrassed except Jake had been as close to the edge as Van.

This was ridiculous.

He takes a moment to recover before bringing the cellphone back to his ear. “Okay, yeah. You need to come home.”

Jake laughs haltingly. “I think you may be right.”

“Of course I'm right.”

“Modest, that's my guy.”

Van feels the heat in his cheeks, grins as he gives Jake a derisive snort and tells him to get some rest.

The grin is still in place when he falls asleep.

 

\--

“You know he's crazy about you, right?”

Van looks up from his script to lock eyes with Billy.

He doesn't know where this is coming from but he nods. “I know.”

Billy nods in return then looks back to the television.

Van feels something in his stomach clench.

 

 **(2) Every single day, yes I'm really missin' missin' you**

 

“So, I was thinking.”

Van stirs the tomato sauce, glances at the recipe one more time and frowns. It's supposed to be thick.

It's really not.

“That's never a good thing,” he replies absently.

Jake ignores that admirably and continues, “Rehearsals for your play don't start for a month, right?”

“Yeah.”

He doesn't understand what went wrong. Jake had left him the instructions for it. Van had even watched Jake make it when he'd cooked for Van on his last visit. Granted, he'd interrupted Jake, pushed him back against the counter and dropped down to his knees to suck him off halfway through. But he'd totally been taking mental notes.

“Why don't you come out to L.A with me beforehand?”

Van freezes.

“I miss you. A lot.”

He doesn't know what to say. He _wants_ to. It's something he's been contemplating talking about but – he thinks if he goes, he won't ever come back.

“I – can I think about it?”

Jake tells him to take his time and then walks him through the rest of the steps.

The sauce comes out perfect.

It says a lot more about them than he wants to admit.

\--

The fight isn't anywhere as big as Van thinks it should be, considering.

“I just think it would be better if I stayed at a hotel.”

“That's stupid. Babe, come on. I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

“Well, you're going to be working for most --”

Jake sighs. “I took care of that. My taping schedule is going to ramp up in the next two weeks so I can be free for when you're here. I'll have to go in a couple of days a week for a few hours to tape anything that they add but otherwise, I'm all yours.”

Van bites his lip. “So, we spend the time in my hotel instead of your apartment, not a big deal.”

Jake is silent for a long moment and Van thinks the call has been cut off.

“What is this about, Van?”

“I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing. Seriously, I just – I think a hotel would be a lot easier to –”

“To?”

He can hear the tightness in Jake's voice and he drops his face onto his free hand. “To explain.”

“To play off, you mean.”

They've been stepping lightly around this for weeks. Jake doesn't understand how it works. Not the reality of it. He knew what Van had to say or do when he was in Jake's position. It had never been lying because everyone who mattered knew and everyone else didn't need to, so keeping his personal life to himself made Van happy. He liked keeping it separate from what he did.

Being with Jake changed that. Their personal lives were intermixed with their professional ones and it wouldn't be easy to dodge questions about it.

He has never been comfortable letting strangers into his life, his feelings. And this was too new, it means too much and he wants to keep it to himself for as long as he can.

“Jake, I just – you're just finding your footing there. I just don't want it to become about _us_.”

Jake doesn't say anything and Van takes that as consent for him to continue.

“Everything will be about your sexuality. Where you fall. How this happened.”

“People fall in love with their best friends every day.”

“That's a simplification and you know it.”

Jake snorted. “Nothing about us is simple and _you_ know that.”

“I'm not saying otherwise, Jake,” Van snaps, rubs a hand over his mouth.

“I don't want to hide.”

The words came out in a rush from Jake and Van straightens up, frowns down at the floor, feels his chest tighten. “Is that what you think this is?”

“No clue, Van. You don't want to talk about it and that's fine, I understand this is scary. Shit, I'm fucking petrified half the time that – ” He cuts off but Van is pretty sure he knows what he wanted to say and his stomach drops.

The silence stretches to a breaking point. Van wants to reassure Jake. Needs some himself.

Jake clears his throat. “If staying in a hotel is what you want then that's fine. All I want is you here with me for as long as I can get you.”

Van feels his insides loosen and smiles a little.

\--

Los Angeles is hot, balmy, and sticky. The air is always so thick that it takes a minute to adjust to breathing. Underneath the shiny, there's a rough edge you don't expect. His heart speeds up as he steps off the escalator. Maybe he likes L.A. more than he realizes.

Or maybe it's the grin he gets thrown his way when Jake spots him from across the baggage claim.

Jake doesn't stop, when they meet halfway, the way Van thinks he will. He hauls Van up into a hug, leaves a trail of kisses up his neck that ends when he reaches Van's lips. Jake slants his mouth over Van's, one hand gripping the back of Van's head, angles him for better access. Van wants to protest but all that he produces is a sigh as he melts into it. It's amazing how well they fit together, like second skin. Something that's meant to be and he can hear Alex's voice as she said that. It makes him start chuckling.

Jake pulls back to look at his face, slightly amused. “Well, that's a new reaction.”

Van laughs, buries his face in Jake's neck. “Sorry... I just...you make me a little bit of an idiot sometimes.”

Jake hugs him tighter. “I get 'cha.”

Van grins into Jake's shoulder.

They are ridiculous.

 

 **(3) I navigate myself myself to take me where you be**

 

The Beverly Garland Hotel is pretty legendary as far as Van knows so when Elena recommended it, he booked two weeks there. He stares up at it from the passenger side of Jake's car.

“It's pink.”

Jake grins over at him. “You got something against pink, Hansis?”

Van rolls his eyes and laughs. “No. I just didn't _know_ it was pink.”

Jake gives him that look – the one Van has learned to translate as his “I pity your lack of useless pop-culture knowledge” – and shakes his head. “What am I going to do with you, Evan?”

Van glances up at him from under his eyelashes, watches the way Jake's cheeks flush. He likes that he can do that. “Anything you want, Jacob.”

The blue of Jake's eyes turns indigo, his jaw clenches and he shuts the door hard. Van snorts when Jake grabs his bag and then manhandles him into the hotel. The front desk can't find his reservation so they spend ten minutes attempting to sort it out. Van keeps sending Jake glances, smiling whenever he catches him tapping his feet impatiently.

Jake is one of the calmest people Van has ever met so his annoyance is kind of adorable. He rolls his eyes at himself. That right there tells him how far gone he is.

Once everything is finally worked out, they head to the elevator. His room is on the top floor and their car is crowded with the rush of guests checking in. Van grins at Jake, hands him one of the electronic keys. “That way you don't have to wait for me.”

Jake bites his lip, grabs the key as the elevator ascends. They stop on almost every floor at first. Somewhere halfway up, they're alone and Van turns to say something to Jake but before he can, Jake presses him back against the wall, mouth finding Van. He nips at Van's jaw, sucking at the skin under his ear. Van shivers, hands resting on Jake's hips, fingers finding their way under his shirt.

The elevator dings and they jump, move apart. Jake straightens Van's shirt, smirks down at him and Van makes a face. “Shut up.”

The smirk turns into a toothy grin that makes Van's heart do that stupid stutter. He hauls his suitcase into the hall, marches down until they reach his room and enter quickly. This time he doesn't give Jake the chance to say anything, pushes him against the door and kisses him until he can't breathe. He forgets everything but Jake's hands on his skin, the way he arches under Van's touch, how they move together, desperate and needy.

Heat rises from the base of his spine, wraps around his chest and Van whines when Jake pulls away but it's only long enough to rid them both of their shirts. When skin touches skin, Van makes a sound he can't describe, wraps his arms around Jake and kisses him deep and wet.

It's still overwhelming all this time later.

He thinks it might always be.

 

\--

When Van wakes up a couple of hours later, it's dark outside. There's a weight at his back and across his chest. He leans into the warmth, picks up Jake's hand to brush kisses across his knuckles.

Jake snuffs behind him and it makes Van grin. He turns to look at him, traces the lines of Jake's face with his gaze, watching the shadows play across his skin. It burns where Jake touches him. That's not something he's ever felt. Not like this.

He tucks his face closer to Jake and breathes him in.

\--

Van wakes again, slowly, pleased noise erupting from his throat when he realizes that heat around his hard cock is Jake's mouth.

“Oh, fuck.”

Jake hums, sucks him in deeper, sending the vibration rolling from Van's thighs to his stomach. He clutches the sheets, arches his back and opens his mouth on a groan.

“That feel good?”

Van snorts, his eyes locking with Jake and he can't really find the words because good? That's not anywhere near fucking accurate enough. “ _Jake_.”

One of Jake's hands outlines an impression over the skin on Van's hips, the other is wrapped around Van and Jake sets a slow pace, stops to lick at the leaking head before he starts up again. Van jerks into Jake's hands, his mouth, tries to speed it up, to rush that feeling but Jake is patient. He holds Van down with the hand on his hip, takes his time, brings Van to the brink and then back down.

Jake sucks kisses into the soft flesh on Van's inner thigh, tongues the place where Van's hips meet his groin, dips to roll Van's balls into his mouth while continuing his slow torture, stroking his thumb over Van's throbbing head.

Van's orgasm builds and stretches, his limbs tremble, his breathing is harsh and fast. He can't make words, just these long keening noises he can't control. His chest hurts from all the pressure. Jake's hands hold him down to the bed, his mouth taking Van all the way in and it's all over. Van comes with a strangled sound, vision whiting out, ears roaring with the waves that tumble him back. He thinks he hears Jake's groan join his. He falls back on the bed, arm covering his face, and tries to remember how to do that breathing thing.

It takes several moments before he can think enough, feel anything to realize that Jake is talking to him.

“You okay, baby?”

Van pets his hair, nods as best he can with a head that feels like it's made of jello and grabs at Jake's shoulders, fingers digging into his skin to pull him up. He needs to be closer. Jake starts to move, but then leaves the bed and Van tries to lean up, fumbles and face plants into the pillow, his mumbled “Where you going?” muffled into the feathers.

“I'll be right back.”

A minute later, there's a warm swipe of cloth over his thighs and Jake rolls him over, cleans him off gently. Van watches his hands as they work over his skin and that prickle of awareness, of want gathers in his gut again.

Jake might be the end of him.

“C'mere.”

Jake throws the towel to the floor and crawls his way toward Van, lowers himself so they touch everywhere. He leans in to kiss Van, stops when Van drags a hand over his hair, and grins up at him.

“Your turn.”

Jake blinks. “Not necessary.”

Van understands that there's no need for reciprocation but – he notices then Jake's only half-hard against his hip and raises an eyebrow.

Jake blushes and shrugs. “I told you – not necessary.”

“You came – from –”

Jake drops a kiss on his cheek, another on his jaw, strokes his face against Van, the rasp of his stubble making Van swallow hard. He loves this the most. The way Jake touches him. Non-stop. It's everything to Jake, makes him want Van more and that's hard to resist.

“You have no idea what you look like when you come. The way your face changes, shows it all, and it's beautiful and hot and more than enough to get me off.” Jake whispers into his ear and Van shudders at the words and the closeness.

Yeah. End of him.

\--

It takes Van four days to cancel his suite at the Garland and agree to stay with Jake at his rented house. The logic behind Jake's argument is that Van has spent – aside from the night he flew in and they'd fucked on every available surface in the hotel room – a total of four hours there. Van knows that is the truth. He ends up at Jake's house every night, only stopping at the hotel to grab more clothes, before heading back to Santa Monica.

Jake pushes his hands through Van's messy hair, holding him to place a kiss on his forehead. “It's a waste of time, babe. Just stay here.”

Jake's house is fairly big. At least for one person and definitely after their apartments in New York which, sadly, could actually fit in Jake's living room. It's not elaborate, though. Jake isn't a flashy guy. He picked it for the location, Van remembers. Jake kept showing him listing after listing, asking his opinion. This had been the one Van liked the most, to be honest. Two bedrooms, one that Jake used as his office, big living room, nice kitchen – Jake needed that – but it was the enclosed backyard that lead to the ocean that had really sold the place.

Van likes to sit out there at night, on the comfortable patio chairs Jake has spread across the grass, and look up into the sky. With no buildings blocking out the light, he can see the stars clearly and it's something he hasn't really had since he was a kid. New York is bright lights in a completely different way.

The sound of the ocean waves breaking on the shore lulls him, gives him a feeling of peace. He senses Jake walking closer and tilts his head up to look at him. “Hey, baby.” Jake's eyes widen slightly, not enough for anyone else to really notice but Van pays close attention to everything about him so he catches it. He leans down to catch Van's lips with his own before handing him the cup of tea. Van takes a sip, makes a happy noise, scoots up some. “You been home a while?”

Jake nods, sets his own cup on the ground and takes Van's hint, squeezing in behind him in the chair. Van leans back, hands falling to rest on Jake's thighs and he lets out a long sigh when Jake wraps his arms around him. He shivers as Jake nuzzles into his neck, drops small kisses along the line of his shoulder. “Got done with taping so I'm all yours for the rest of the time we've got.”

Van smiles. “Good.”

He doesn't know how they've managed to deal with being apart for so long.

He has no idea how they'll go back after this.

\--

Jake is puttering – that's really the only word Van can use – around in the kitchen. The smells wafting onto the patio are delicious. He thinks he's getting a little spoiled by the last week of home cooked meals. The idea of take-out and his own sad attempts at making anything remotely edible make him slightly depressed.

Alex snorts across the table they are setting and he glances up at her, smirks. “What's so amusing, Chando?”

“You. Me. This whole thing.” She fidgets with the napkin, keeps her eyes on the table instead of Van.

He waves a hand in her direction, an indication that she should expand on that a little. With Alex it could mean anything.

“I was worried.”

“About?”

Alex looks up and holds his gaze. “About him.”

Van freezes and waits for her to finish whatever she's trying to say before he lets himself get worried.

“I didn't want you to hurt him.”

Or annoyed.

He scowls at her, takes a deep breath before he asks, in a voice he hopes doesn't let on how much that statement had actually bothered him. “You should know me better than that, Alex. There's no way I could do that.”

She nods, smiles fully at him. “Oh, I know that. _Now_. And even then, I knew it would never be on purpose. But when you all first started – no, let me rephrase that – when you all finally _admitted_ what the rest of us already knew, I thought you'd never get here.”

Van shakes his head. “I don't think I understand.”

Alex sighs, crosses her arms and leans against the table. “Um, if I recall, getting here wasn't an easy task. For either of you but – Van, you're the sweetest guy I know, and when you let someone in, it's great. But until that moment, up until you decide to, it's hard to get close to you.”

He stops to stare at her. She had to know that he – it was obvious even if he'd never said anything.

She smiles, like she knows what he's thinking and smiles as she reaches for the silverware. “I wasn't sure then but I am now.”

He says the words before he can think not to.

“He has the power to break my heart.”

Alex glances up at him, surprised, and then grins. “He won't.”

Van rolls his eyes. “I know that. Dork.”

“Oh, _I'm_ the dork? You have no idea how ridiculous you are, do you? Seriously, your face when you look at him. It's the –” She makes this circular motion around her face and starts to giggle. “I can't even describe it.”

Van is pretty sure he knows the look. He sees it on Jake's face all the time.

He doesn't care as long as they both have it.

That's all that really matters.

 

 **(4) Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay**

 

“So, I was thinking.”

Jake is kissing his way up Van's spine, stopping periodically to suck a hickey into his skin in some sort of pattern Van hasn't figured out yet. He glances over his shoulder, watches as Jake pauses, rising to look up at Van, and smiles softly.

“Never a good thing.”

Van turns to face Jake, snorts his response. “Shut up. I'm being serious here.” Jake studies him, line of his mouth tensing a little as he pulls up so he can rest his forehead against Van's. He takes in a long breath, swallows and then nods.

Van's heart aches a little. “It's not bad. I promise.”

Jake's grin is blurry from this close but Van likes it anyway. He traces it with one finger then cards his hand through Jake's mussed hair. There's a lot he hasn't said and doesn't know when he'll find the courage to say it, but this will be enough for now.

“So you're not planning on breaking my heart? That's good.”

Van frowns, huffs out a breath. Really? “How come I'm the one doing all the heartbreaking around here? Seriously. You know better, Jake. It's not –”

Jake's shoulders start shaking and it takes Van a few long seconds to realize Jake is fucking with him.

He also thinks that Alex is a traitor.

“You are an asshole.”

“Your face, man.” Jake is laughing hard and Van slaps his bare hip to stop him. He palms his hand over the reddening skin, soothing it, feels the shudder go through Jake.

“Can I talk now?”

Jake nods, stifling back the rest of his amusement and meets Van's gaze. “Hit it.”

He is going to ignore that opening right there.

Van looks down at his hands where they are splayed over Jake's waist, traces lines over the skin and licks his lips, remembers the taste. How much he'd missed it. “I'm leaving in a couple of days.” He flicks a quick glance up and sees Jake's face tense but the only response he receives is a quiet _Hmmm_.

“And while I've loved every minute we've spent on the phone and your text-by-text summary of your days...”

“And Skype. Don't forget Skype.”

Van nods. That had been a saving grace, because listening to Jake over the phone had been great, he loved the low rumble of his voice when he was sleepy or horny or happy – but being able to see him and tell exactly where he was had been better.

Except now it wouldn't be enough.

He places his hands around Jake, pulls him closer so their skin meets, aligned perfectly against each other, and breathes a kiss into Jake's forehead before pulling back enough to look at him. Jake's hands find his hips, flex there while he waits for Van to finish.

“I can't _not_ have this.”

He liked waking up next to Jake. Finding him splayed out on the couch, reading or writing, when he walked in the door. Jake sitting on the counter while Van made a mess of his kitchen. He liked this house with the ocean in the backyard and the night full of stars.

Jake's eyes widen. “So?”

“So, I was thinking we can find a way to _have_ this. A lot more often than we do now.”

Jake grins. “Just tell me when and I'll be there. Jill will work with me.”

Van shakes his head. “That's not what I meant.” He pushes forward to plant a kiss on Jake's mouth when the confused line appears on his forehead. “The play opens in a month, right?”

Jake nods. “I'll be there for that.” He sounds determined and Van bites the inside of his mouth to keep from smiling like an idiot.

“Right. We're running for a month and then I don't have anything else in the works.”

Jake runs a hand down his back, curving over his ass and rests it there, squeezes hard. “You will.”

Van shrugs. “Not worried about it 'cause I thought... you still have another nine months on your contract...I was thinking I could move out here. With you.”

Jake blinks. Once and then again. Van holds his breath and waits.

He swears he can hear the sound of the clock in the living room as the seconds tick by.

“Jake?”

“I'm sorry. I thought – if this is a dream I am going to be fucking pissed off.” Jake's voice is shaking with emotion and Van lets out that breath, laugh a little watery and hides his face in Jake's neck.

“Oh – don't do that, you jackass. You scared the shit out of me.”

Jake's arms are around him, pushing Van back so he can look at his face. “You sure about this? I don't want you to do –”

Van shuts him up, kisses Jake until he's panting, harsh and fast underneath him. When Van thinks that he can get through what he has to say without Jake interrupting, he raises up.

“We'll figure it out, okay? I just – I don't want to wait anymore. I like having you with me. I've missed your stupid face, and how cranky you get in the mornings. I like coming home to you.” Van leans in so their breath mingles, the words etching on Jake's lips. “I want to be able to touch you whenever I want. To hear about your day when it's good or bad. To be able to bitch about mine.”

Jake is grinning up at him and Van can't stop the happy bubble in his chest.

“I like your house. It feels like home.”

“Good. It's why I chose it.”

Van grins. That's what he'd thought.

“But what about your –”

“Like I said, we'll figure it out.”

Jake stares at him intently, that look of concentration he gets whenever he's trying to figure something out. Whatever he sees on Van's face seems to answer his question and he grins wider, says “Okay” and pulls Van down to capture his mouth.

Van closes his eyes and leans into the warmth.

He can't imagine being anywhere else.

Not anymore.

\--

Jake kisses him at the entrance to security.

Van pushes up to get closer, ignores the buzz of the crowd around them.

Jake pulls away to breathe him in, nuzzles his cheek on Van's and sighs.

“Two months.”

Van nods into the crook of Jake's neck, hugs him tight, smiles into the skin there.

“Two months.”

Van wishes, sometimes, that it could all be easier.

He thinks the fact it isn't makes this all the more important. Makes this all the more meant to be.

Makes it worth it in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is love.
> 
> Feel free to leave here or at [LJ](http://freakykat.livejournal.com/311256.html#cutid1).


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